Is this normal?! If you are a parent, you have asked this question plenty of times. Now, I am not talking medical type stuff but real life kind of stuff. You know, like the sleep regression that drives you into confusion, changes in behavior or hormonal changes in teenage years. Those things. The things that are certainly not written in the parenting manual that no one has ever published but always wonders why it never made its way to existence. That kind of stuff. Like, your son peeing on his brother?! Hasn't happened to you, yet? Consider yourself lucky! Here’s a good one--the epic, public meltdown. The one that you are pretty certain, the exorcist temporarily took over their body, just in time for all to see. Most certainly, I am sure, left you wondering whether or not you would rather become liquid form and melt or wish you could disappear. Either one would be an acceptable exit strategy. I hope you are able to chuckle with the thought of the specific moment that has happened to you and pat yourself on the back that you survived.
Years ago, I was once given a piece of advice, that was not intended to be given as advice at all. It was a simple statement in passing, “you know, how you always have a friend ahead of you and one behind you?” There was this assumption everyone had a friend who was a few steps ahead of your children in age and a friend who was a few steps behind, with a child younger than yours. I have my own additive...ones who are currently living in the trenches with you. All of which compile a pretty legit source of knowledge. It was thought provoking at the moment, but would later prove to be one of the most valuable assets to me as a mom.
“It takes a village,” is not really as vital as the tribe you form within it. I say this because the village does have an important part of your parenting journey, but a tribe is your safe place, getting you through the tough stuff. It is defined as a, “common culture and dialect.” Your tribe gets you. Your tribe can deliver the truth in love. Your tribe is, in a sense, your life line.
But why is it so helpful to have a tribe that is made up of a friend who has been there, a friend who is going through it and a friend who is about to embark on it? First, the friend who has been there, provides such wisdom and experience. They can relate because their littles are not so far gone from the days you are living and they can gently remind you that, this too shall pass. They prepare you for what’s to come, provide wonderful guidance of what to expect and pray for what they already know your momma heart will go through. The friend who is in the trenches with you, well...she will definitely indulge in a glass of wine and laugh about the craziness that is both your current reality. She can relate to how you are feeling and the level of exhaustion or madness, for sure. Oh, and the friend who is a few steps behind...you will be able to provide encouragement to her, while reminiscing of the sweetness, joy and in some cases, gratefulness to be through the tough stuff that stage once gave you.
Each member of your tribe is so crucial in supporting and shaping you, if you’ll let them. What a blessing a friend is, no matter what stage she is in. I pray you have a solid, go-to group of gals, who you can easily identify as your tribe and smile thinking of all the value they add to your world. ️
