Yup...I am going there! I am going to wrangle this hush, hush topic by the horns, in hopes it helps just one marriage. I realize, I am taking the risk that someone might unfollow this blog, in disgust, because they still think of sex as a taboo topic. I am going to go with it anyway. Why, you might ask? The answer is simple, I think sex is a huge part of a successful marriage, that’s not talked about enough. God made sex, in marriage, to be enjoyable. Why do we forget that?! He gifted it to us!!!! Brown chicken, brown cow. In all seriousness, I really think sex should be a priority in any married couples’ lives. In almost eight short years of marriage, I have learned, if it’s worthy of greatness, it takes work. Sex is no different. Often, if my husband and I are bickering or just kind of saucey with one another, chances are, we haven’t made sex a priority for too long.
We attended a marriage retreat in Dallas a few years back that literally rocked our marriage. The information shared with us was mind blowing and forever changed the way we viewed the priority of sex in our marriage.
Now, before you roll your eyes, believing that is impossible, I get it...we are too tired, the kids completely drain us, our spouse works late, we just want me time, the list goes on. Let me give you some facts that made me really think:
1. The male body is made to have the desire to release, if you will, every 72 hours. That means, in an idealistic world, he would desire sex every three days. So, before you throw a red flag and think of all the reasons that is impossible in your world, let me ask you something, when was the last time you thought of sex as a way to serve your spouse? Are you so focused on yourself, your needs, your exhaustion, to stretch yourself for your spouse? I would imagine your answer plays right along with the level of satisfaction you have with your sex life. Ladies, knowing this biological reasoning about your husband, is such a helpful bit of information! I once read an article that stated, the physical need with sex, for men, is parallel to the emotional need women have, being told they are loved. Could you imagine if your husband only told you he loved you when he had time or once every so often?
2. The grass isn’t greener on the other side, you need to start watering your own lawn! Do you want to know what I love about good ole married sex? It’s a comfortable topic to discuss and further, perfect with one another. I can imagine for most people, it would be a whole heck of a lot easier to confide in someone you took a life vow with than a strange, unfamiliar person, right? Why is it that we are so quick to let the enemy into our thoughts and tell us lies about sex in our marriage? Here’s the deal, if something isn’t working, start talking about it. I have a good girlfriend, who has check-in conversations with her husband, where they rate their marriage on a scale of 1-10, based on their level of satisfaction. Genius! When we start opening the conversation of discontentment, there is room for improvement and effort.
3. Sometimes—okay, let’s be real, most times—to maintain a healthy sex life, you’ll need to let go of the idea that each and every time will be a storybook, romantic, straight out of a fantasy, type deal. The expectations will steal all advancement towards prioritizing sex. On a Wednesday, when you are both tired, the kids were tyrants and you want to throw in the towel for the day, the last thing you are probably going to do, is light candles and lay rose petals, if you get my drift. Be okay with that. Being intimate with one another might just be the cure for a rough day!
4. Date your spouse! I am not talking, go out on dates all the time, but occasionally, it won’t hurt either. If you have little ones, and multiple ones at that, it might be easier to plan lunch with the president than wrangle a babysitter. I have three little ones, I get it. Instead, put the kids to bed early and learn to create date night in. Put your phones down, communicate, talk about your hopes and dreams, express what you are grateful for, and talk about areas that you desire improvement. One other thing ladies, could you please dress to impress your spouse, instead of wearing yoga pants and a messy bun once in a while? Remember when you were first dating, and you pulled out all the stops to impress him? Yeah, bring some of that back to the table. You were a wife before you were a mom, remember that.
5. Temptation is one of the devil's greatest tools. If you are intentionally withholding sex from your spouse, you are allowing the enemy in to destroy. Get to the root of why! Why is it that you are feeling this way? What is making you feel this way about intimacy with your spouse? When you figure it out...TALK ABOUT IT WITH THEM! Find a solution together, to move forward. The sexual desire for men does not go away. The world will temp him with something to curb his desire. Don't allow for that kind of temptation because you are not communicating your discontentment. Pray for God to intercede and pray for protection against temptation.
In today’s world, we are so focused on self-improvement and while there is nothing wrong with that, I hope in the same way, you are stretching to also better yourself as a spouse, in your marriage. Stop shifting blame and start absorbing some responsibility. Go the extra mile and start the change. I think you’ll be surprised at the outcome. Lastly, do you pray about sex in your marriage? I sure hope you do! Again, God gave us the gift of intimacy in our marriage. Ask for him to help you prioritize intimacy, give you that desire, focus on your spouse and clear your mind, to really be in the moment. It will really make a world of difference...I promise!
