Most days, I don’t feel like a special needs mom. I know that sounds funny because I have a 12 year old son who needs me to care for him just as much as a toddler does but for so much of my parenting journey, I have really worked at not letting the diagnosis and label define us. I go through the motions each day because it is my normal. It dawned on me today that subconsciously, I do things that I am sure most wouldn’t think about, but special needs mamas do. This morning, Mason woke up throwing up. I picked up quickly, the trajectory of today wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. It’s a fine balance with stomach stuff for kiddos who rely on medications to keep their body stable. Zofran every six to eight hours and twenty to thirty milliliters of pedialyte, every thirtyish minutes throughout the day, mixed in with medications that have to be taken, all while avoiding it to come right back up. It's a full time job those days. How did it dawn on me today, that I do things differently? It became a hair washing day. It wasn’t a planned hair washing day (if you know, you know). My hair had one, good day left, BUT, because I have learned the unpredictability of how things can go, I knew I had to wash my hair when I had a free moment. If the zofran does not work, and he cannot keep fluids or medications down, it would be a hospital visit for iv fluids for us. I remember the first time an unexpected hospital visit came up years ago and how I was not prepared at all. I rushed out of the house with basically nothing but greasy, living on the edge as if nothing could unexpectedly come up, needing a wash so desperately, hair. We lived 45 minutes from the hospital. I had nothing but the lounging clothes I was wearing, with no chance to shower, while sitting bedside with my son, for days. Now, I have had learned, sometimes hair washing days come early. I have also learned, it’s not even remotely close to what most think of but a special needs mama is built slightly different. The things we go through, the hospital visits we endure, the sleepless nights thinking about milestones and medication refills, and feeding supplies and therapies and appointments and insurance. It breeds a different heart. We learn to prepare for the worst, while hoping for the best. If you’re a special needs mama and your heart just needs a reminder…I see you. Most importantly, God sees you and you’re not alone. If today became an unexpected hair washing day for you too, you got this, no matter what the day brings.
